Being Me, Being You

Eight years ago today (December 8, 2012), I was ordained to the Sacred Order of the Priesthood. It was a

long time coming.

I heard the call in 1997, but, I dragged my feet, and found every excuse not to open the door (I mean I couldn't open the door without the fear that one of the four children under 5 or one of the dogs would go running out!). And, to be perfectly honest, I thought God had lost God's ever-loving mind. (Well since it's God I should probably say all-inclusive ever-loving mind...)

Eventually, I did begin to actually consider it and to more intentionally engage with the discernment process (you can blame one of the children for that door opening when he opened his BIG MOUTH to our village vicar), I found even more reasons why this should never happen. Mostly I thought there was no freaking way I was good enough, holy enough, contemplative enough--just enough. Oh, and I found really good evidence to support my hypothesis. But then...

I was sitting in the kitchen of The Old Barn in Kelsall England and reading the story of David and Goliath. Something jumped out at me. Did you know that Saul strapped his armor on David before David was to go fight Goliath and DAVID TOOK IT OFF!!! Yep, you read that right. He would rather go fight Goliath without armor with only a slingshot because wait for it, "I cannot walk with these; for I am not used to them." (1 Samuel 17:39) y'all this was David---like THE David. David fought Goliath being HIMSELF. At that moment I heard God say, "I'm not asking you to fill someone else's shoes. I'm asking you to be you. So put on those high heels and let's go!" (This is God so I guess she knew what he was getting into!)

I'd like to say that was the last time God had to remind me to just be me, but it wasn't. While in seminary I was an intern at a parish where there were two amazing scholarly preachers. I tried everything possible to be like them. I researched; I used a thesaurus; I prayed--it just wasn't going to happen.

The good news is they were also both humble and helpful. Each took the time to tell me to "Just STOP!" Each took the time to tell me to be me. One said, "The church doesn't need another preacher like me, it has me. The preacher needs you."

And then....

My beloved Grandmother, Gangan, was dying. I was yet to be ordained. As she was dying I crawled into the bed with her, and her last words to me were, "If you become a dowdy priest, I will haunt you."

So that's how I became a too loud, sometimes irreverant, high heel, short skirt, bright color wearing priest--or as I've been dubbed "The Patron Saint of Hot Messes" but it's also how I learned something else.

We are each created to be our own people. God created each one of us to be unique. God broke the mold on each one of us. There is not a prototype for humanity--no prototype for being a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a parent, a priest--and the list goes on... Yes--have mentors; yes, learn from others, but be you. The world needs you just as you are.