Boundaries, Acceptance, Responsibility and Love

Relationships are hard. In relationships, things happen; people hurt one another sometimes intentionally sometimes not. People do things that are annoying and some times down right mean. But people also do and say wonderful things for and to one another. The question is how to navigate relationships; how to know when there are misunderstandings; how to express yourself, your needs, and not step on the other person's.



People talk about boundaries and creating healthy boundaries. Are boundaries different for different people? So many times we say or do something to a family member that we would never dream of doing to a friend. Why is that? Should we not love and respect our family even more than a friend? I suppose we just expect that we will be forgiven and/or we are just not worried that they will get overly angry. If you treat a friend unkindly repeatedly, they will most likely no longer be your friend; it takes more for families to break apart. But is that right?



I've been trying to work through the difference between boundaries and acceptance. In relationships, we all know there are some things you are just not going to change about the other person. I understand and accept that, but does that mean I have to accept everything about that person? Where does individual responsibility lie and if accepting means my boundaries are continually crossed isn't that becoming a door mat? I've been thinking about the verse in the bible that says if you have a grievance against your brother, go to him and tell him. Surely then we are not to just accept anything?



I am reminded of the serenity prayer which says to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can, and wisdom to know the difference. When I know the difference, what do I do? How do I respond in love, accept others for who they are are and how they live and still be true to myself?