Just Katherine

I have a love/hate relationship with titles. But, I love names and nicknames (Names and Nicknames)--most of the time I do. Nicknames are often bestowed on us by those who love us--I adore being Mama Doyle to the youth of this Diocese. The truth is, reflecting on names is what encouraged me (read forced me because I couldn't keep my thoughts inside me anymore--it was like an alien trying to get out) to start this blog.  The very first entry 11June 2008 was What's in a Name? But titles--titles, well lately, I've been thinking more and more about titles....

Titles are earned--I get that; titles show respect--I get that too; titles help define who we are, but titles are sometimes used for less than benevolent reasons. I have personally witnessed people using titles to exert power and influence. I have seen people use titles to separate themselves and not for altruistic reasons. (Kind of like reasons for wearing a collar or not which I have also spent countless hours thinking about--To Collar or Not to Collar) And I suppose if I'm fair I have seen people use titles to hide behind sometimes because of insecurity, sometimes for other reasons, and while I suppose I should be sympathetic, if I'm truly honest (which I try to be for better or worse) it just makes me furious. (I'll never forget taking Caroline to a doctor who I had BABYSAT when he was in elementary school--he kept referring to himself as Dr.____ while calling me Katherine.  I wanted to say, "______ I put your scrawny hiney (which by the way I have seen in the buff) in time out more times than I can count.  Get over yourself!")

And so for all these jumbled reasons that I can't seem to figure out, it sends me into a panic when people ask me, "What do you want to be called?" I always feel like there must be a "right answer" that I don't know--an expectation of some sort that I've missed. Not to mention clergy women seem to have so many "choices" Mother, Rev., Pastor etc--and all can be loaded for others...I've heard the stories. So it's a dreaded question for me....

This past spring I answered a call to be Priest in Charge and I knew the send me into a panic heart racing  question would come. And it did--at a ladies retreat with them all LOOKING AT ME! "What do you want us to call you?" My hands started shaking, my mind started racing (seriously y'all this is a HUGE phobia for me) and I stammered around for a few minutes before I finally said, "Here's the thing. I understand that for children and youth a title may be important. I don't want my children calling adults by their first names." And I went on to explain all the different titles my children use for different people.  (I swear these women were probably thinking, "we don't need a dissertation on etiquette just an answer....and maybe we should reconsider this call....) But I continued.....

Finally one woman, either trying to save me from myself or just trying to get the ongoing, irrelevant, mind numbing monologue to stop, said, "But what do you want us to call you?" I took a deep breath and tentatively said, "How about just Katherine?"

And so that's what they started calling me "Just Katherine" and I love it!

I love it so much I've even adjusted this blog title...