Snug Hollow--Always What I Need

"You meet the people you need to meet when you visit Snug Hollow." That's what I always tell people....

2019 has not been the best year--knee replacement, multiple deaths of far too young people, family issues, pastoral needs of which I feel ill equipped to handle, and then this past few weeks 5 deaths in 7 days--my grief was beginning to overtake me. I knew I needed to get away and process, and I knew where I needed to go.

Snug Hollow

I started going to Snug Hollow in the late summer of 2016 and knew almost instantaneously I had found a spiritual home. Important Background Information This background information is important but not totally honest. I was in a much darker place that first time...

When I first went to Snug Hollow in August of 2016 I had no idea what was going to happen to me, to my marriage or to our family. I was priest in charge of a wonderful parish--a call I never believed I would take or that I was capable of taking. I was helping to keep the Diocesan Youth program together--a call I never believed I would take and almost 100% sure it was a call I shouldn't take. I didn't believe I had anything to offer the youth of our Diocese or anywhere. I could feel cracks beginning in our family unit--some normal and appropriate for the children's ages and some brought on by pain. Chris and I weren't fighting, but we also weren't connecting. I had no idea what the future held or even what I wanted it to hold.

I left those few days feeling better about our marriage than I had in a long time---and boy knowing now what I didn't know then--that is a really good thing. (As I said, the people you need to show up show up at Snug Hollow--that amazing couple.)

The truth is, despite how difficult these past few months have been, I felt stronger or at least more confident in what I needed to do to feel stronger, so off to Snug Hollow we went.

Monday we decided to go hiking. I should have known this wasn't going to be a Sunday stroll when Barbara, the owner of Snug Hollow, wrote on the map "The Pinnacles." We entered the woods and within 20 yards the climb began.

It was not a gentle uphill but rather periods of steep, needing to hold onto a branch (should have taken one of those walking sticks they offered at the beginning) uphill that was then followed by very brief (think feet not yards) of flat and then more uphill. But all along the way, when we stopped for a breath and looked around, there was so much beauty. The path was steep and rocky and seemingly never ending. We had never been on this path before so really had no idea when we would reach the top. I thought about the last 3 1/2 years and this hike pretty much summed it up.

There have been times of difficult and steep, hold onto each other, our faith and our community periods, with a few short lived times of coasting. Yet in the midst of the journey there have been beautiful breath taking times. Times we wouldn't trade for all the pain and sorrow and grief. Yes we have lost some friends, but we have gained a treasure trove of authentic, life giving, friends.  We have had times we didn't know if we could go on only to be surrounded by the beauty of the world--beauty found in our vocations, in our families and friends, and in each other.

We reached the top, and after marveling at the beauty and basking in our success, we began the descent down. It was harder than the up.

First, sometimes we would start going so fast we would slip, or one of us started going faster than the other and we were separated. It reminded me that in the good times it's easy to get careless, to forget to take your time, enjoy the journey, and stay connected. It taught me that sometimes what we think are the hardest parts of life are not.

As we were trying to find a new hike down, I saw what I thought was the path. It was straight down and rocky. My adrenaline started flowing. I scampered down saying, "Let's do this!" Chris responded, "I really don't think this is the path. And getting back up if it's not is not going to be easy." "It is! It is!" I excitedly said already starting down.

I had gone a 10 or so yards when I began to wonder if he was right. "Wait there," I said, "I'll look around this bend, but this is totally awesome!" (I was pretending I was way more sure of myself than I was.) Chris waited, ready to follow me or to rescue me. I looked around the bend, and sure enough there was no path only a dead end into the rocks. I sheepishly turned around and said, "You were right." and begin the ascent.

As I climbed up, really hoping I could do it, I thought about August 2016 and how I worried about our marriage. "Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit" I thought, "Why did I ever worry? This--this right here. This is us." I am headstrong and impulsive; I get overly excited and don't always think things through. I take off expecting Chris to follow without his agreement. And Chris, Chris lets me be who I am even as he shakes his head and laughs--and sometimes doesn't follow but rather waits for me to understand it on my own. He is daring, adventurous and bold, but he is also methodical and solid and steady. He believes in me. And I believe in him. We are a team. As I neared the top I said, "You didn't think I could do it." "I knew you could do it." he replied, believing in me just like he always does.

I left Snug Hollow today trusting that whether we are still on the uphill climb or whether we are on the plateau or even heading down, we are solid and we are together. I left giving thanks to God for teaching me, guiding me, and reminding me. And I left giving thanks for Barbara and Snug Hollow because it truly is a place where you find what you're looking for even if you don't know what that is.

I left feeling lighter and more grounded and ready for whatever came next.