Living as a Paradox

Didn't take a picture of the house.
Even I know that's creepy!

There's a house in our neighborhood that always makes Chris and I laugh. It's a very cute house with a white picket fence around a backyard filled with children's toys and a big porch across the front. In the windows are drawings of hearts and flowers and rainbows. Posted about every six feet around the entire house are signs that either say "No Trespassing" or "Beware of Dog." (Note-I have never seen a dog...just sayin')

I call it "The Paradox House" and usually with a superior, judgemental tone. Today as I ran by it I thought about it a little bit differently...

Last week I posted on Facebook, "I want to say it's been a really shitty day." One person commented, "I can't believe that an ordained priest would use shitty in a post. Poor form Katherine. Hopefully the Bishop can give you guidance." At first, I was amused, then I got annoyed, and then I got downright indignant. I texted and called people who would join me in my outrage, and I refused to take it down. After I calmed down I posted this reply, "I appreciate your feedback and I apologize if I offended you. I am always aware when I speak on social media I bring my whole self--wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, friend and yes priest. Yesterday several of those roles collided in a difficult way. I understand if you would like to block or unfriend me. I cannot speak for Bishop Terry White and what he may or may not think about my choice of words. He does, however, know what a difficult day I had and was very supportive as he always is."

Okay--just going to say it. On the one hand, I did want to respond in a calm way, but I was also acting out of self-righteousness, and I also am a teensy tinsy bit embarrassed and ashamed for being publicly called out.

Today when I ran past the house I thought about the Facebook exchange which obviously has bothered me more than I let on as that was six days ago and I'm still thinking about it. Aren't we all a little bit (or more likely a lot of bits) a paradox? It's not so easy to see when we are playing our roles in their proper places--home, work etc, but when the roles collide it definitely becomes a little more apparent.

One of my favorite Dr. Seuss quotes is, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." I'm not ready to throw the quote out, but I do wonder. Maybe those who mind do matter. Maybe we grow as people and as people growing into the image of God more when we hear from those who do mind. Maybe hearing why it matters to some people gives us an opportunity to expand and stretch and define. Maybe it brings about change in us or maybe it solidifies who we are.

It's worth thinking about....

I had a colleague with whom I disagreed on what seemed like almost everything. We are both priests, and we both take our calling very seriously. I can honestly say that is true for both of us. The years we worked together were stressful and painful and eventually, we had to part ways. But during those years and in all the years since, I have had to really think about what I believe, how I see myself as a person and a priest, and what my die on the hills are. Despite how hard it was, I can now look back and give thanks to God for that time of growth.

I guess what I realized today is we're all living paradoxes. I also believe we're all (mostly) doing the best we can.

Oh, and I'm still not taking the post down, and I still stand by I had a shitty day. I love Jesus, I love being a priest, and I cuss a little!