Mama, whose your favorite? God, whose yours?

Probably not my best parenting but....

Very early in my parenting, I would sometimes (possibly more like oftentimes), respond to my children with, "That's why your/he's/she's my favorite." Usually, it was in response to silly things like someone bringing me something I dropped or being the first to respond to a text or pumping my gas (notice I did not say paying for my gas) or choosing to sit by me. It was all in fun.

Over the years these offspring of mine joined in on the fun usually when others were around, "No really, Mama tell us who the favorite is." or "I'm really the favorite, aren't I." It really has been a joke or mostly a joke. Over the last couple of weeks, I've been a little bothered by it. I don't want them to think I have a favorite. I love them all like crazy, but here's the absolute God awful truth that I know with as much certainty as I know my heart is beating right now. There are times I do have a favorite.

Hold on, hold on--let me explain. I think when they're talking about "favorite" they're not saying who do I love more, I think they know I love them all. I think they're asking or referring to, who gets away with more, who gets more attention, who gets to slide by, who do I spend the most energy on. And if that's the case, I do have favorites--who that is just changes.

Here's the bottom line, my "favorite" is the one who is going through something--something positive or negative--and I have no control.   To be blunt, my "favorite" is whomever I am most afraid of losing.

What is that losing? Well, it's both good and bad--the loss when one starts closing their bedroom door and spending more time up there, the loss when one starts pouring his/her heart into a journal instead of into my ears, the loss when one leaves for college, or his/her own apartment. Yes, those times I "invest" more--I try to make sure I'm available, understanding, receptive, and generous (if you want to read that as manipulative or bribing, you could probably make a good case...). And then there are other darker times...the times I feared I would lose one to asthma, depression, an eating disorder, intense disagreement, or addiction. To be completely direct and honest, someone became my favorite when I was filled with terror he or she was going to die. When I feared I was either going to be cut off from my child or I was going to be sitting in a church burying him or her, that one became my favorite.

As I walked on the beach this morning waiting for this tropical storm to arrive, I thought a lot about this. Maybe it's oversimplifying this, but my favorite became whomever I believed needed me most--whether they agreed or not. Suddenly Jesus's life and ministry became very real to me as did BLM.  God sent his Son to be incarnate because God loved THE WORLD.

But....

During Jesus's life and ministry with whom did he spend the most time? Jesus spent the most time with those on the margins--the poor, the widowed, the sick, the lonely--with the marginalized and those who were forgotten. Jesus spent the most time with those who needed him even when they didn't know it. Jesus spent the most time with those who were hurting in mind, body, and spirit. Jesus commanded, "If you want to be perfect, go sell your possessions and give to the poor" (Matthew 19:21) "For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in." (Matthew 25:35) "The spirit of the Lord is upon me because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of the sight for the blind, to release the oppressed." (Luke 4:18) and "But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind." (Luke 14:13) Jesus spent time with those who were lost to others, who were on a path of destruction in body, mind, or spirit, who were going to die.

Jesus never said, it's because you don't matter or they matter more. Jesus spent time and supported those who OTHERS said don't matter. Jesus never said, "I love this person more." Jesus loved the whole world but made sure those who OTHERS said weren't lovable or worthy knew they were. And how did he does this? He showed up. Jesus showed up with the poor, the hungry, the outsider, the oppressed, and those in danger.

So yes, I guess I did and do at times have a favorite, but that's only if you're using my definition. And like it or not, God does too--but you know what else? God calls us to do the same.